Again, I am woken up in the middle of the night with a bad vision that recalls the day my life was destroyed. It has been quite some time since i wrote in this journal. Perhaps maybe its the fact of me releasing my thoughts and feelings onto paper instead of letting them pile up in my head that helps me sleep better at night. I have done my best to ignore and try to move on with my life. My new life. In my past life i have shamed my village, my clan, my family, and most importantly my older sister, Aoitsuki. That is a life i can not go back to. I could not bear to stand in front of those faces after what had happened. For anyone who might find this one day, I will give a brief description of my life up until now and pray that no one else must go through what did. Maybe by doing this, i can rid some of these demons that haunt me….
I was a member of the Shirayuki clan in the hidden village known as Kirigakure. Even though Shirayuki blood flows through me, I am too ashamed to continue carrying the name, nor do i consider myself a member any longer. I remember growing up how close i used to watch my father with his training. How excited i was to listen to his tales of battle. He painted a legacy for the family that i wanted to continue. I wanted to see the pride in his eyes every time he looked in my direction. Of course there was my older sister, Aoitsuki who got first priority between the two of us though. I had no ill feelings toward my beautiful sister for it. I understood how things worked and in a way i did what i could to learn from her. Watching my sister in action i knew this clan would produce a great warrior. I had some competition if i wanted to be the one that was recognized as the greatest Shirayuki warrior of our generation. Aoitsuki was more independent where she took her training to her own for the most part. However, i was the opposite. I wanted to be around my father every step of the way. If i wasn't learning from Aoitsuki, which involved me doing a lot of spying and mimicking her movements the best to my abilities, then i was begging my father to take the time to teach me some things.
That is ultimately how my world came crashing down. After months of begging for my father to take me out on a trip to train me, he finally caved in. I was twelve at the time. He felt that i was too young but i finally convinced him otherwise. We left Aoitsuki to herself which she seemed she did not mind but i could see a little hesitation in her eyes. That was her though. Always was strong on the outside. I looked up at her a lot because of that. That was five years ago however. It has been five years since I've stepped foot in Kirigakure. Since I've seen my mother, my cousins, aunts and uncles and…my sister.
My father and I had been away from the village for six months and we were on our way back to Kirigakure with smiles on both our faces. He had just taught me how to combine the elements of wind with the elements of water in order to produce ice techniques, which is what my clan is famous for within Kirigakure. Suddenly everything went dark around me. I could not even see my father who was just standing less than a foot next to me. I called out for him but there were no answers. In the distance i could see a round figure. It looked to be on fire, but…the fire was purple. As the figure got closer i could make out it was a human skull. It continued coming towards me and its size grew bigger as it drew near. I tried to run but my was scared stiff. My mind yelled at my body to perform hand seals but it just wasn't responding. The flaming skull opened its mouth and "swallowed" me. Just as it passed by i clenched my eyes shut in preparation. It was then i heard the shouts of my father. I blinked my eyes opened to find yet another horrid image in front of me. My father kneeling on the ground with multiple arrows and spears lodged into him. His normal blue armor was now painted a crimson red. His once caring face that i grew up to know now twisted into a face an intense mixture of fear and anger. I then realized his shouts were directed at me and he was telling me to run. I looked up and saw four older men. Some were badly injured as well but not as bad as my father, but they all were wearing forehead protectors with a leaf symbol etched on it. It was complete chaos. Why we were attacked, i do not know even to this day. I wanted to stand and fight. Do what i could to protect my father but fear got the best of me. My father shoved me to break me out of my daze and at that point i took off running. I ran for half a day it seemed, never looking back. I did not even know what direction i was running in, i just ran. I found a cave on the side of a small mountain and i climbed up to it. Once inside, all my emotions hit me all at once and i couldn't do anything else other than cry. I cried for my father being hurt. Then as days went by i continued to cry because he was not coming back to get me. A week later i was still crying for my older sister to come protect me.
Finally getting the courage to leave the mountain, I retraced my steps. At the end of the long walk i finally came back to the sight of where i left my father. I swallowed hard when i saw his half rotted body laying there. However, i did not cry. I could not cry. I had cried myself dry of anymore tears. Looking around i spotted two other bodies. Of course my father would live up to his legacy and take a few of his foes down along with him on his way out. I snatched off one of the man's forehead protector and their uniform jacket. I then stripped my father of his armor and gathered the rest of his belongings. It took a few trips but i managed to transport all the equipment back to the cave. What would become my new home.
That was about four years ago. I have lived off the wild and do whatever favors i can for the village nearby in exchange for supplies. Even though i keep my shinobi skills sharpened, that is a life i no longer live. Will i ever go back home? I could not show my shameful face there ever again. I am a disgrace to my clan for what happened. As each day goes by it only worsens. There is no going back now. Even though that means i will probably not see the day that my clan avenges my father's death. However, there is something that burns in the pit of my stomach every time i look in the direction of jacket and forehead protector that i keep mounted next to my father's armor. Father, if you are reading as i write this know that I'm sorry. I am sorry i could not be stronger for you….-End Entry
