Date: February 28, 2013
"A Letter From The Front"
I'm sorry for keeping this brief, but the situation here is not good. I
am glad to hear you are safe, and that you are making a difference. It
makes me feel better to know you are happy. I only wish I was there to
share in it. I can't say too much about where I am or what I'm doing. I'm
lucky I was able to received your letter before having to head out again.
I sometimes worry that the things I do to defend our country are… More
than merely 'questionable'. I worry that the more I deal with bad people,
the more I have to make hard choices, the more tainted I become… The
more you'll see me as a beast instead of a woman. I know you don't see me
that way. I know all we have shared. I know how >I< feel about >you<.
But there will always be doubts. I remember when killing was hard. I
remember when I was practically destroyed as a person because of the
accidental slaying of a Kyakume Syndicate goon. It was self-defense. And I
hated myself anyway.
Killing used to be so hard…
It's not as hard anymore.
I don't want to end on a note like that. I'm sorry for bogging you down
with worrying about me. But being away from you for so long… It makes me
feel like less of a person. You complete my heart. You make the broken
pieces of my soul work again. I don't doubt who I am or what I do when I
am near you. So I hope I get to return soon, so we can both be whole again.
I had a dream last night too. I dreamed that I was surrounded by mirrors.
And in each one, was someone I knew. And all the mirrors were between me
and a bad person. So I started breaking the mirrors. It was easy at first.
They were all criminals or enemies. But the more mirrors I broke, the more
I cared about the people remaining. And I kept pushing on through the pain
anyway. I killed everyone. I killed every single person I loved, just so I
could catch a single villain.
And in the end, there was no villain.
It was just me in the darkness.
So much for not ending on a sour note, huh? Sorry. I have to go. Please
know that I love you and will stop being such a gloomy-guss when I get
back. This has just been a horrible mission from start to finish.