Starring:
Date: Unknown (log received September 11, 2015)
Summary:
None given.
"My Ninja Way: A way out"
Unknown location
"There was a time, not so long ago, when I stood before the gates
trembling in fear from the lack of understanding of what lay beyond them.
I had heard stories, rumors mostly, of the dangers that were kept at bay
simply from the erection of the large wooden borders only a few years ago
and even though most of what I was told was rather farfatched, completely
unbelievable. I believed them anyways."
"It was my background that forced me into such a position. My heritage.
My namesake. Given the choice I would have ran and hid, avoided the
dangers outright and waited, hoping, that nothing that could go wrong,
would, but I never felt like I had a choice. Paths were laid out before
me, and I could go one way or the other, or simply turn around and never
look back and yet something continually pushed me to go on, despite my
trepidation."
"If there was one thing I wanted more in life than anything else…it was
to be needed. A feeling that I was useful, not useless and that someone
out there needed me. So I started to push myself, training harder than
anyone else. Day and night, I rarely stopped. I couldn't stop. When I
wasn't training, I was sleeping or taking a brief pause to consume
something to eat and drink, until that fateful day when I was put on a
team and sent on a mission"
"They say the first one you never forget and they're right. I learned
quickly that day that my training, all my hardwork, was all for naught.
The mission was a success, but in no part thanks to me. Whether it was my
fear that held me back or my complete lack of abilities, I was utterly
useless and showed no signs of improving. It wasn't surprising that my
time on that team was brief, and I was quickly shuffled to another. A
trend that continued on for quite a while during my stint as a Genin until
no team would have me permanently, only bringing me on temporarily for
missions."
"I didn't blame them, never did. It was my fault I was a failure as a
shinobi. I tried to quit of course. I ran away to hide from it all. Left
the village planning on never coming back. I don't think anyone noticed, I
wasn't important enough to miss. Which made it easier for me to stay away,
and I would have still to this day if it weren't for the time alone with
my thoughts that drove me back."
"You can only remember so many times the fellow shinobi that died at your
side or in your arms, wondering how many more were losing their lives
while I hid in safety because of my own selfishness. I would live from
fear, while they were dying for something they believed in. But what did I
believe in? Why did I come back? Because I was being selfish. Because I
was unable to live with my choices and figured it'd be better to be a
burden to others, than deal with my own guilt. Damned if I do and damned
if I don't."
Eremi brought the glass of sake up to his mouth and finished the contents
before dropping it on the counter. In front of him, stood a bartender
staring at him, listening at what the drunkard had to say while he cleaned
a glass, prepping it to give Eremi another drink. The bartender would
continue to do this, so long as Eremi continued to pay. Feigning to listen
or actually paying attention. The place was empty except for the two of
them and the bartender had little else to do.
"Now, if there's anything I want more in life, it's simply to not get in
the way and wait patiently until I die. Hoping beyond hope that when that
time comes, it's because I did something useful for once. Instead of what
everyone who knows me, knows me for…"
"…Useless"
