Date: February 20, 2013
Reserve mission-givers are tapped due to a shortage. Two very unenthusiastic and ill-qualified Chuunin are forced to deal with a string of the Hidden Leaf's weirdest and most unpalatable ninja as they come seeking daily ques—I mean missions.
Poster's notes: Foul language filtered in obvious places.
Briefing Room - Konohagakure
Ju-su Momo is a very busy little girl. She is a DOCTOR with a capital DOCTOR and thus much of her DOCTOR DUTIES with a capital DOCTOR DUTIES are related to DOCTORING. Most ninja missions of the sort that other ninja get up to are not her forte nor what she is expected to do. Mostly. But it seems the Hidden Leaf is a bit short-handed because the 13-year-old Chuunin has been tasked with tasking other people with tasks. Yes, she is the one sitting behind a desk, handing out missions.
It's not like she has the authority to assign missions, but they've all been written up in advance. She just hands them out to various ninja and teams as they come by, explain them from the papers she has, and so on. She's not expected to do anything else. However, because this is an awfully boring mission and she really wants to get back to anatomy studies, she decides to give a 'mission' to her bestest friend in the whole world to come help her. If nothing else, Hikaru can give Momo some company to alleviate the mind-numbing boredom. And when they're done her best friend and favorite research subject can help the brown-skinned girl get right back into her research!
The white-haired, blue-eyed, dark-skinned, maid-outfit-dressed Momo sits behind the desk in the briefing room, a stack of papers in front of her that leaves her hidden to anyone who looks at the desk straight-on because she's short like a mini-bawss. She wonders why she feels like she should have an exclamation mark floating over her head.
Suddenly, there's a puff of smoke and then there's a mini-Chuunin present in the room and a mysteriously-open window. Once the smoke blows away from the shadowy form, there's a little girl wearing a flak jacket and mask, her short blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. The mask is bisected in the center by an invisible line, one side featuring a beautiful, crying, forlorn maiden, the other picturing a remarkably realistic night sky, complete with stars and the eye-hole forming the moon.
She's even striking an awesome pose, her arms folded, turned slightly to the side. Reaching up, Igarashi Hikaru pushes the mask up to the top of her head, revealing her cinnamon-skinned eleven-year-old face. She rubs a finger under her nose with a frown, then gives her best friend a two-fingered salute.
"Hey, Momo-chan. What is this nonsense about having to come here and hand out scrolls? I was training, you know. I have a great many important things to do where people can't easily find me. I've been tracking a very dangerous criminal and trying to pinpoint her location." Okay, so the last part was partly true in that she'd been asking for information as to a certain Nogakujin's whereabouts, but the rest was a big, fat, lie, as she'd been sitting in her room practicing her painting and rehearsing all the lines to her favorite plays.
But Momo didn't need to know that!
Momo turns around when Hikaru appears, and then lunges to keep the stack of papers from blowing away from the window. However, she winds up just topping the stack and scattering them everywhere. Oops. "Auugh!" the Medic cries in disgust before hopping down and starting to gather the papers and organize them. "Look, calm your self! Just sit in that chair for a sec incase anyone comes in while I'm putting all this back in order! You can go back to your stand-up comedy training or whatever when we're done." Momo pauses in her being bent over in her rigid maid-skirt, and turns her blue eyes on her fellow Chuunin to say innocently, "Unless, of course, you'd like to come by my office to help with some experiments~."
Oh, but any opportunity to respond to that is forestalled as the door to the briefing room slides open and some spikey-haired guy runs in. "HI! HI! HELP!" he yells. Momo stares. "HI! HI! HELP!" he repeats. Momo sputters as she straightens up and heads back to the desk to set down the papers. The guy in the bright-pink jumpsuit runs up to the desk, "HI! I'M NEW! SOME LADY APPROVED ME FROM THE CHARACADEMY! I'M A GENIN OF KONOHAGAKURE! YAY!"
Momo turns to her friend to stare incredulously. Deciding to buy time to get these papers organized and for Hikaru to either get seated or flee, Momo manages to get out, "U-um, what's your name, Genin?" The kid responds, "DUMAUSS." Momo just rubs her forehead. "Maybe you should go take a nap or something. I don't know if we have any missions for you." "OK! THANKS! I'LL JUST WAIT HERE WITH YOU! THANKS! OK!" Momo becomes alarmed and starts searching through the reports in her hands. "Wait a minute, it looks like something just came up! Yes, right there on this sheet of paper. You need to head south to the training grounds in the forest and report to whomever is there. South is that way." Momo points south.
Dumauss yells, "NORTH! GOT IT! THANKS! BYE! THANKS!" Then he exits the room through the window Hikaru entered via. Momo stares after him, and then looks to Hikaru, seeming a bit frazzled, with hair astray, etc. Then she mutters and starts organizing papers again.
"It's not standup, I'm a SERIOUS ACTRESS!" The chuunin screeches, glaring as she points a finger of accusation at the older girl. But at the mention of experiments, she's backing up a step with her hands held up before her, a sweatdrop forming on her brow as she makes 'calming down' motions with her hands and gives an apologetic smile. "N-No, that's quite alright, Momo-chan. No more experiments for today, I've had quite enough!"
And then Dumauss happens. Hikaru was JUST taking her chair as this guy came bursting in, screaming at the top of his lungs in his eye-sore of a bodysuit, as if he had absolutely no volume control. Momo handily gets rid of him, but Hikaru just blink-blinks at the window he'd exited for her, mouth hanging half-open as if she'd started to say something at one point and then… never got around to it. Hopping off the chair (because her tiny legs didn't quite reach the floor), the young girl runs to the window and squints out of it, hanging onto the window sill as she leans out slightly.
"HOH! That must be the kid all the genin are speaking about. You know, 'JINCHI THE BEAST', or however they yell it." The turns to look at her friend still all squinty-eyed, pointing out the window. "Think he'll get killed out there or something?"
"We can only hope that when he does, he doesn't do it in a way where other people go down with him." Yes, 'when' not 'if'. "…And also that I don't need to revive him." Momo moves back to seat herself in the chair once Hikaru vacates it. Flump! This skirt is such a pain to sit in. Why does she even wear this maid outfit anyway? Who knows! A mystery of the universe! Momo puts that aside and tap-taps the papers on the desk to straighten them out. "Yeah, I know you're a serious actress," she adds on very belatedly. "Sorry. I was just teasing you because I wuv you my wittle Hickie-chaaaan~." She offers in baby-speak, with a slightly-pouty face, and a hand held out, making 'come here' gestures.
Any hugging of BFFs is likely to be stalled by the arrival of another new ninja. He comes bursting through the doors in heavy-duty samurai armor (as imagined by a heavy metal rock album cover designer), with dragon helmet, five swords, spikes on his everywhere, and so big that if Hikaru stood on Momo's head, they'd barely be up to his waist. Momo mutters as the huge Jounin tries to force his way through an entrance too small for him. "Oh, great… I know this guy. He has no business being here, but since he's a bottom-feeding jerk he likes to scalp low-rank missions where he can prey on the helpless. Don't let him bully you, Hikaru!"
The Jounin finally wrenches his arm free of the door frame, destroying it (the door, not his arm) in the process. Super-Fist Lord of Blades Kandama looks upon the two little girls and lets out a rough, derisive laugh. "HAH! Looks like the Hokage is running out of idiots to hand out missions for her. These are the puniest ones yet." Thoom. Thoom! THOOM! Super-Fist Lord of Blades Kandama stomps up to the desk and leans over it, looming even more over the tiny white-haired Chuunin than he already was. "What have you got for me today, weakling? Point me to where the enemy hide and I shall DOMINATE THEM!" He straightens up, raising a fist in the air, and starts regailing the two girls with his exploits, without solicitation. "I have seen the fall of the Eldest Son. Creations of the mad Swordswoman Samominoyuu Kei have fallen before my mighty katana. When called upon, I alone spearheaded a victory for the Hidden Leaf against the beasts of the Land of Rivers. Now, I come for the ultimate challenge. What does the Briefing Room for the Genin and Chuunin mission dispensary have to offer Super-Fist Lord of Blades JOUNIN Kandama?"
Momo stares. "Um…" Then she looks down at the papers, and then to Hikaru for moral support. She could REALLY use that hug right now. Instead she just looks back to the papers and says, "Apparently there are strange, bloodthirsty apes running rampant in the south-western forests, near Hibagon Town. It's a B-Rank mission. Maybe you could help with them?" Super-Fist Lord of Blades Kandama hmmmms deeply as he strokes his spiked chin (with very thick gauntlets). "Bloodthirsty, you say? Is there any risk of death or dismemberment to me?" Momo dead-pans, "None." The Jounin immediately announces, "Then Super-Fist Lord of Blades Kandama WILL DO IT! YES!" "Right, thanks. Just go ahead and head south-west. Far south-west. Probably off the coast." "Yes, cowardly mission-giver, sit behind your desk while Super-Fist Lord of Blades Kandama brings glory to the Hidden Leaf! I shall return with a thousand skulls!"
The Jounin then barges his way out the way he entered. Momo stares blankly and unamused for several seconds before saying, "Here's to hoping he never returns. With all that armor, maybe he'll drown?"
"Don't call me 'Hickie-chan'." The younger Chuunin grumps as her nickname is thrown out. It had almost stuck! Thankfully, so far, no one but Momo ever seemed to use it. Maybe it was because they didn't want to face the tiny kunoichi's angry-bird wrath if she ever caught them doing so. She's moving back to stand next to the other girl, eyeing her warily for any sort of 'hugging' action which might offend her ninja pride. After all, as the current youngest Chuunin in the Hidden Leaf, she had a reputation to maintain and her height worked against her!
But then another source of awful, this time in a much different way. Hikaru swallows as the enormous Jounin enters the room, but stands her ground and does her best to look all squinty-eyed and grumpy at the too-loud man destroying their doorway. She silently waits while Momo dispenses with the mission and then the hulking man of metal makes his way back out. She turns to her friend with a scowl.
"You should have given him a mission with sharks then! We could have told him it was to take care of fish in a pond and then sent him out to the sight where that giant sea-beast that attacked the Land of Sea all those years ago was spotted!"
The chuunin rubs her chin with a hand, starting to get an evil grin on her face. "Yes, it'd be an epic and fitting end to a sad and lame tale. I could have written about it. Made a play! Performed it and eventually made an all-new mask to commemorate the event!" She turns abruptly to her two-years-older best friend and grabs the medic by the shoulders, giving her a violent shake. But then Hikaru was only average Chuunin strength and her friend probably was already experimenting with chakra-enhanced muscles.
"Make sure I get to hand out the next mission! I don't want to just stand here and be your arm-candy, Momo-chan!"
Momo is shaken, and she has not, infact, but experimenting with Chakra-enhanced muscles. Her head rattles around from the shaking as she flails and tries to break free. "Wha — Whaa — Stoppit — Ohmigawd STAWP!" Eventually she is released (HOPEFULLY) and throws her arms up in surrender! "Fine! But you better actually BE my arm candy! You've been so COLD and DISTANT lately!" Momo's blue eyes get all big and watery as she vacates the chair to let Hikaru sit in it. She slaps down a piece of paper on the desk. "This is actually the last mission to hand out today." Momo clenches her fists and stands there next to Hikaru and says, "Do your best!"
Moments later, an unbearably pretty blonde woman in a form-fitting leather outfit, flanked by an Uchiha teenager and an Akimichi girl who seems a bit on the scrawny side come striding into the room regally — No, wait. The kids are striding. The woman is standing atop a large, glowing turtle. Momo sees who just arrived, and her eyes get all wide. "…Ah, ****. You're on your own with this one, Hikaru." Momo backs up to make it abundantly clear she's not the quest-giver here. The woman approaches on her summoned Celestial Turtle, with her armor that has like thirty different Clan emblems, with two Ninjutsu swords of lighting sheathed at her hips, a shuriken engraved with Sealing formulas strapped to her back, and her team members each carrying a bag of beauty supplies and similar. "The leader of Team 30, Yamanaka Uchiha Rini, the Awesome Sage, has arrived, philistine," the woman announces. "Present me with your menial tasks so that I may complete them with only mild enthusiasm and most likely a complete disregard for any directions that you provide that are more complicated than what is on my map." She changes her stance slightly, pointing at her face, her alabaster skin with blood-red lipstick, and says, "Look at me, peasant. Honorary Clan membership emblems cover my body from head to toe, gifted to me by all the Legendary Ninja the world has ever known." She points at Hikaru. "Now look at yourself." She snaps her fingers repeatedly to get Hikaru's attention. "Quickly, look back at me!" She then folds her arms under her chest once more and looks imperiously down at the youngest Chuunin in the Hidden Leaf. "Yes, this turtle IS made of STARS."
Momo just stays back and stays quiet, trying not to draw attention.
"What pointless series of tasks befitting a mentally deficient toad have you prepared for me?" she asks aloofly, looking out the window like this is all such a burden for her. The paper in front of Hikaru just indicates there's some kind of problem at a local refinery to the north-east, and the guy in charge could use some help.
The younger Chuunin releases the older one once she's finally told to 'stawp' with a frowny-faced scowl of determination. "I'm never cold and distant, how could you say that to me!? I have been nothing but the warmest friend and brightest star in your life! Like the moon coming out from behind the clouds on a winter night, I illuminate the snowy landscape of your life." The blonde says rather matter-of-factly.
When her friend vacates the seat, she plops herself down in it, having none of that frilly-maid stuff to impede her sitting. …And then she instantly regrest her choice, because along comes the Worst Ninja Alive. Okay, maybe not the WORST, but she was definitely in the top three! Hikaru has to grit her teeth and bare the speech. And just when she thinks the over-inflated tart is done, and starts to open her mouth to respond, she continues! This happens several times until it looks like she's finally going to be silent long enough to be assigned something.
"Mary Su- I mean Yamanaka-Uchiha-san, I have here a matter of utmost importance! Only one befitting your… rrrrrrg… /grace/ and /beauty/" the two words are ground out with seeming pain. "can handle it. A handsome merchant prince searching for a beautiful bride is beset by a mysterious, unexplainable problem!" The genjutsuist scrawls out directions on a paper on how to get to the refinery. "Make haste and ask for the Foreman of Operations, for only someone as… /intelligent/ and /cunning/ as the Celestial-Star-Turtle-/Sage/ can solve this."
Hikaru hands over the directions and makes shooing motions with her hand until the most awful trio in all of existence leave. Or so she hopes they will leave. With the utmost haste. Her perfume was gagging! Then she turns in the chair to give the medic an evil glare.
"You planned this and did it on purpose!"
Rini, the Awesome Sage who clearly draws her Sage Mode from the power of pure awesome or else why would she be called the Awesome Sage, just says dismissively, "Fine, fine, what else?" as she accepts the directions. When all that happens is Hikaru shoos her away, Rini looks incredulous. "That's all? One mission? Surely you jest. Are there not lost cats to collect? Perhaps a rare flower that I could pick from which you will make some mildly hallucinogenic pill which you will then ingest, resulting in visions of a great apocalypse? Perhaps the local populace of mildly annoying, ill-tempered gophers are acting up and need to be brought to justice? No? Nothing?"
Momo, having been trying to stay out of this, finally steps in to yell, "THAT'S ALL, YAMANAKA UCHIHA RINI, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!" Seeming put-off by this rudeness, the Jounin rolls her eyes at Momo and then turns her attention back on Hikaru. "I will do this ONE thing that you ask of me, mission-giver. Pray I find more menial tasks to accomplish or you will be hearing from me again and I assure you that my commentary on forums of public opinion will be most unkind." Then she raises a hand, snaps her fingers and her Celestial Turtle turns about and starts heading out of the room. Her entourage of star-struck Uchiha boy and sickly-thin Akimichi girl bow, turn around, and follow after her.
Momo rubs her face as she then gets accused of doing this on purpose. She screeches, "Whaaaat!? How could I possibly have known that ponce would be here, or that you would want to hand out the final mission even if I did!? You little cinammon roll! You watch what accusations to me or I'll… I'll…" Momo's face scrunches up in anger as she tries to think of a suitable threat. "…I'll spank your butt!" Yeah. Not really good at threatening.
"Look," Momo says with an attempt to calm herself. "It's over now, okay? We both get paid for a C-Rank mission, and we can leave here, and this awful perfume, and NEVER DO THIS AGAIN! Now c'mon, there's no reason we friends should argue. It's those… Those… Slothwits that are to blame! Best friends forever?" She asks as she attempts to step in and hold her arms wide with the offer of a hug.
"WAAAAAAAH!? You did NOT just call me a 'cinnamon-roll', you baked potato!" The younger girl screeches, waving her small fists about in protest. "You lay one finger on my butt and I'll turn you upside down and sit on you until you pass out! No one spanks me! I am NOT a little girl, I'm a Chuunin of the Hidden Leaf, the girl-genius of genjutsu, the mistress of theatre and the high arts, IGARASHI HIKARU!" And then she stabs a warning finger outward. "And you better not call me 'Hickie-chan'!"
By the time she's done with her return-tirade, the tiny kunoichi is standing on the chair. The added height helped to lend her threats and boasts credibility. Or at least she thought they did. Though the finger drops and her expression turns from angry to merely surly at the other girl's sudden succumbing to rationale.
"Aaaaaaaahn, no fair saying that when I'm trying to be mad, Momo-chaaaaaaan!" She complains. She tch's and then looks left, then right, then up, then behind her in quick succession. Finally she steps closer, puts her arms around her best friend for like a second, then tries to immediately let go and take a step back, regaining her composure. After all, she put a lot of effort in trying to appear aloof and uncaring and unflappable. If people saw her hugging, what would they think!? Years of cultivating her serene-and-withdrawn artist persona would be wasted in the blink of an eye.
"Let's go report out handing-out-missions mission is over and then you come over and look at my new painting. If you don't, I won't forgive you easily."