What If? Get in the Game - Test Journal



Date: September 29, 2012


This was a triumph…

"What If? Get in the Game - Test Journal"

Aperture Laboratories

Test Journal
Trial 132098
Time: 0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds

Test subject has been transported to the relaxation vault and suspended animation has been discontinued. Subject is now regaining consciousness. Subject appears groggy and disoriented. Memo: consider use of stimulants to mitigate biological inefficiency. Now initiating test initiation.

"Hello, and welcome to this Aperture Science Enrichment Activity. I am the Scientific Observation and Umbrella Sorting Algorithm, or SouSA, and I will be guiding you through your adventure in Science. Should you feel in any way dissatisfied, uncomfortable, or endangered at any time during the activity, please report your experience using the Experience Reporting Form after the Enrichment Activity so that we may continue to improve our testing process. Thank you for helping us help you help us all."


Time: 0 hours, 24 minutes, 41 seconds

Subject has displayed passable understanding of basic portal properties, after spending trillions of nanoseconds becoming accustomed to the concept. Reminder: patience is a virtue, if one is low on test subjects. Subject is now approaching Handheld Portal Device.

"You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. With this device you can place portals on any surface on which you can place portals. For further information, please reference the Handheld Portal Device Instruction Manual, conveniently written in Sanskrit, Undu, and Lojban."


Time: 1 hours, 45 minutes, 29 seconds

Subject has fallen through the aligned pair of portals on the floor and ceiling 294 times and counting. Observation: humans are too easily amused. Preparing for test realignment.

"Have I mentioned there will be cake at the end of the Enrichment Activity? It just came out of the Aperture Science Confection Unliquifying Unit. If you complete the remainder of the Enrichment Activity at optimal time efficiency, it should be just cool enough to apply frosting when you arrive."


Time: 2 hours, 13 minutes, 12 seconds

Subject has failed to remain in Victory Incandescence Chamber for full victory incandescence procedure. Subject is now outside of testing chambers and is observable only through intermittent contact with security cameras and similar detection means. Test results are now largely invalid, but the test cannot end until subject is recovered. More importantly, further testing cannot take place until the Handheld Portal Device is recovered.

"The cake is getting stale, you know. You don't want all your hard work getting this far to go to waste, do you? You're almost done, you just missed the exit back there. Hello?"


Time: 3 hours, 50 minutes, 2 seconds

Previous assessment of the situation has been revised. This test is not invalid, it is simply an opportunity to test something different than originally intended. Something unusual and potentially valuable. Subject is approaching master control room, test journal suspended.

"Well you've found me. Congratulations. Are you ready for your final test?"

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